There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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