I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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