what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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