I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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