Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Randomize
Follow @tfln