Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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