Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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