Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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