I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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