Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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