me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize