I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The Olympian is in my bed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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