update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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