I just threw up on my dentist
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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