actually, I'm a sock model
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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