i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize