So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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