it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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