She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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