He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize