Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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