hotel room ftw
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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