I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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