Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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