Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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