You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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