is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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