Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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