well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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