So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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