You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize