I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize