ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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