Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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