That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize