i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I party with great urgency now.
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