I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize