YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
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EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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