My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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