I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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