I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize