if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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