I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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