My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize