...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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