I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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