he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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