So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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