I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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