The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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